PAGESbyarlyndelacruz

This is really nonsense. A waste of time perhaps. But then again not really. It is in fact—something that bothered me.

I was looking for your number, your account and told common friends about my search for you and then when I finally found you—you totally ignored my messages and my attempts to add you in my Friendster’s list of friends. It’s sounds too insecure on my part but I know you know the answer to that—I don’t mind to bare that insecurity because I am referring to someone who is not just my friend—-my best friend for many, many years, someone I miss dearly and someone I tell my kids about.

Friends ka na ng lahat ng common friends natin back in college—view ka naman ng profile ko and yet—ayaw mo sagutin messages ko and won’t even respond to my friend’s request. What happened? Why?

My sister — Candie—also tried to add you as friend—and was turned down just the same. She adores you!

Rewind ako nang rewind sa isip ko kung may nangyari ba sa nakaraan na maglalagay sa iyo sa ganyang damdamin kung anuman yan pero wala akong masumpungan. Nababahala ako sapagkat dumating na tayong dalawa sa punto na ang sarap na sanang maghuntahan tungkol sa mga anakis natin. I saw your picture with your two kids—grabe—sana magkita-kita tayo nina Pinky, Gerlen, Jhong, Mellisa, Amy, Ma’am Saba. Si Jhong na lang nakikita ko once in a while. I know you’re living in the Middle East with hubby and kids, that’s what I gathered from common friends.

Well—by now you must have realized that there are things that did not change about me. I am still this emotional and brat friend of yours who remains insecure deep down inside especially when dear friends like you does the big snub.

Whatever it is—I really cannot recall at all.

But my dearest Brendz—you know that Nyls loves you. You are and will always be my one true best friend.

I miss you. Damn I miss you! —ano bey–Why? Di ko gets. Really.

Tags: why?

I’d been wanting to write this one since the beginning of this year. But for one reason or another…I didn’t find the time to write about my thoughts on finding them here.

The search began the year I really began my active social life in the world wide web, the internet, that one technology that connects us all wherever and whenever we want to with just a few click in here and there in our computers.

I joined Friendster in 2003 but I was not the one who really created the account at the beginning. It was created through the prodding of my office mates, edging me, “Chuva, you’re the only one without a Friendster Account”…and so I obliged not really interested to even post a picture profile myself. So for at least a good 3-4 years—the picture profile for my account was but a mere question mark.

Then—suddenly…I found the time to manipulate and control my own account. And from then on…ay sus tinood—wala nang nakapigil sa akin. I became a certified Friendster Addict. The stimulus for the addiction was the fact that through this space—I found many of my friends from the past who all remained dear in my heart all these years.

Lahat ng karanasan at alaala kasama sila—markado sa akin. Di ko makalilimutan lalo pa’t naging bahagi sila ng panahon ng aking kabataan, ng panahon ng aking pangangarap. Oo naman — nangangarap pa rin ako ngayon. To cease dreaming and believing in them is like ending one’s very existence and purpose in this life.

But dreaming them, in those raw and unadulterated years was different…far more different, and I could even say…those years were incomparable.

To appreciate now and the anticipation and the promise of the future largely depends on how it was yesterday. Kung ano tayo noon, kung paano tayo nangarap noon.

Kung paano tayo naniwalang—oo puwede…walang imposible sa kabila ng nandudumilat na katotohanan na nagsasabi sa iyong hindi nga puwede eh.

I remember friends from the past…an era, not so long ago…

Allow me to mention some names…na huwag naman sanang ikatampo ng iba.

I found Beng…Beng Mercado—ang babaeng walang takot at babaeng natural ang kalakasan at kabutihan ng loob. We came from different sets of friends in college that when you look and examine both groups, you would say, the two of us will never click. Hindi kami swak. Hindi kami magiging friends.

Ako noon—itinatago ang pagka-artistahin, okey, okey…kaartehan. Siya naman, hayag noon ang pagka-artistahin at ..okey..okey kaartehan.

Pero nang magsama kami–napatunayan namin na bagaman artistahin nga kami, at oo…maarte kami…manang din pala kami!!!!ha-ha!

We became not just friends…not just best friends…but more like sisters to one another!!!

Alam ninyo–ang galing-galing umarte ng kaibigan ko. Yung arteng may pinaghuhugutan ha!!! Imagine a combination of La Aunor and Star for All Seasons Ate Vi na atake…na may touch of Hilda Koronel and the sparkle of Lorna Tolentino…yun–ganun.

In our room…small room…(yung ang mga katabi namin—mga estudyante na nagkakatay ng mga pusa lagi kasi, mga PT) dun sa Sta Mesa—malapit sa tulay…abah…kapag nagkakatuwaan kaming mag-emote—ako ang audience niya at siya ang nagtatanghal!

When she’s on stage—make believe or for real—she owns it.

Ang tagal bago ko siya nakita sa Friendster—si Joel Monsalud pala ang magtutulay sa aming magkahiwalay ngunit mananatiling magkaugnay na mga buhay.

We supported each other then. Although parang mas ako yata ang naging pabigat sa kanya kasi, ang dami kong kadramahan sa buhay, ha-ha! But it was always fun. Ang sarap niyang maging kaibigan, kitang-kita mo at damang-dama mo na talagang naniniwala siya para sa iyo at kapag sinabi niyang kaya mo yan…kahit ikaw mismo duda sa sarili mo—maniniwala ka na kaya mo nga.

I miss her giggles and I miss her “tingin na parang luka-luka…yung nakasabog at gulo-gulo ang kulot na buhok ha…with matching kutsilyo…na kunwari sasaksakin ka…” ha-ha..akting lang pala!!!!

Back then—I was full of dreams but deep inside I was one very insecure person. Mukha lang akong matapang noon pa—but in reality, ang hina-hina ko and I needed friends like Beng to pick me up whenever I was down and those down moments came in platoons, even batallions during those times.

It was my years spent with Beng that I began to discover my inner strength and learned to fight my own battles and be truly independent and on my own terms in defining my ship’s course.

Hindi kami noon nagsasawang makinig sa kuwento ng isa’t isa at kung anumang bagay na gusto naming sabihin o ibulalas lang. I cannot recall an instance na nag-away kami. Kung meron man–I am certain, it was my fault.

In one message to me—she told me…”Bruha sa 2010, uuwi kami diyan sa Pilipinas! I miss you and I love you—sabi pa niya!’

Oo—yun nga ang natatandaan ko, lagi kaming nag-i-i-love you noon…we were like real sisters that had this unspoken blood compact that we would love each other for the rest of our lives come what may…and you know what…finding her here in Friendster proved that indeed—true friendships like ours would always find their way back to where it belongs—in that special corner of our hearts, reserved for only special bonds like the one I cherished all these years with my dear friend Beng.

Oo Bruha—hihintayin kita. Uwi tayo sa Sta. Cruz!!!

I said i will mention names…

One more name…

Roselyn Suguitan.

I asked about her from her batchmates then one sent me a message…Michael Williams—”hey Arlyn, Roselyn is here..I found her, here’s her email address, send her a message.” I did—that very instance!

In the world of crushes and puppy loves when we were young, I found a trusted friend and confidant in Roselyn. Noon pa lang, his wit, maturity and intelligence awes many of us who were so young in many ways..most ways I should say. Parang she was ahead of our time—ang lawak na agad ng isip at pang-unawa niya.

Roselyn was a year older–a batch older in high school. But we became close because I was part of their Journalism Class, I took it in advance as my elective in high school, in the morning, a one-hour class, during free hours, prior to all my academic classes in the afternoon as a Junior High School student at the Olongapo City National High School.

Ang lumanay ng boses ni Roselyn—kalmado..parang di marunong magalit, di marunong sumigaw—but make no mistake—she’s one tough lady, hinahangaan sa campus, pero kinatatakutan, pinangingilagan.

One time I was absent for a number of days. Wala namang nagpupunta from my house sa school namin para sabihin what happened to me. But it was almost vacation time anyway…pero still may klase pa.

Nagkatigdas ako. No one from my class knew. Kasi nga—walang nagsabi sa school o sa classmates ko. Wala pang text-text noon—-at kung meron man—di ko afford, ha-ha!

Sa pagmumukmok ko sa tigdas ko—may dumating na bisita. Si Roselyn!

Di siya natakot na may tigdas ako at baka mahawaan ko siya.

She stayed long enough for us to catch up with lost days that I wasn’t attending our class in Journalism. She found time to be with me and find out what was wrong with me. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali—ang layo kaya ng bahay nila sa amin noon—out of the way—pero pumunta pa rin siya.

Then—she graduated from high school. Nag college siya sa Manila. For a while there were exchanges of mails between the two of us…then suddenly, the correspondence stopped. Naging busy ako, ganun din siya.

But everytime I see her batchmates, who are mostly my friends too–I ask about her. Her care for me like a big sister was a chapter in my life that I would always treasure. Ang sarap kayang magkaroon ng ate na alam ang lahat ng sasabihin sa iyo at alam kung paaano mapapagaan ang mga walang kakuwenta-kuwentang mga saloobin noon ng mga kabataang nagdaraan sa estado ng pagtuklas sa isang kakaibang emosyon na puwedeng ipagkamaling pag-ibig, ngunit hindi naman pala.

We still have to exchanre really long e-mails and messages but when she answered back my message…assuring me…”of course I remember you!’—I knew—the Roselyn of my youth is still the same Roselyn that I found in this space…a better person, an ideal mom and a loving wife…and one who knew how it is to be a friend.

Marami pa akong gustong matagpuang account…wala pa rin…hindi ko pa mahanap.

Brenda Villanueva…

Florence Hernandez…

Vernoica Arellano…na ipinangako ni Leny na ibibigay ang email–wala pa rin up to now—(manumbat ba in the open? he-he!)

And all my PANGGAS sa tambalan—iilan, ilan pa lang tayong nagkakatalamitam dito..ABLEN, TIWEL, COCOY, ELEN, AMY, PONG, RICHARD, PAQUITO, JOPAY, magparamdam naman kayo.

Tags: Found them...

Alam ko nakita mo ako. Alam ko nakilala mo ako. Alam ko narinig mo ako.

At alam na alam ko, alam na alam mong marami kaming nagmamahal sa iyo.

Laban lang kaibigan ko. Dami mo pang plano. Dami pa nating plano.

Di ba nga may “change-gift” pa tayo sabi ni Peter? Di ba nga sa unang pagkakataon magdiriwang ang Chuva ng “berday” sa labas ng bahay at kinagawian nating kusina na kahit siksikan tayo eh bakit ba ang saya-saya kapag nagkasama-sama!

Huwag kang mabahala sa “Baby” mo. Matatag siya. At di ka iniiwan kahit na isang saglit. Yung isa mong “baby”, di na kailangang i-memorize pa, nasa mabuti siyang mga kamay, pababayaan ba naman iyon?

Nandun ako nung may sinabi sa iyo si Bosing. Akala ko di mo narinig. Nagulat kami ni “Baby” nang inulit mo sa kanya. Narinig mo, at tinanggap mo ang bawat salita.

O yun lang sapat sapat na para lumaban lalo di ba?

Di ko alam kung ano talaga ang sasabihin o ano ang gagawin sa pagkakataong ganito. Ngayon ko lamang napagtanto kung gaano ka kahalaga at kamahal sa akin aking kaibigan, aking kasama sa hanapbuhay, aking inaanak.

At sa gitna ng hindi ko maipaliwanag na tagpong iyon, nakita ko pa rin ang katapangan mo at ang pagaalala mo, hindi sa sarili mo kundi sa mga taong nagmamahal sa iyo.

Hindi ko alam kung mas pipiliin kong hindi na makita ang tagpong iyon pero nakita ko, itinakda na makita ko.

Huwag mo kaming alalahanin. Nandito lang kami.

Lumalaban dahil nakikita namin ang paglaban mo. Ikaw pa nga ang nagbibigay ng lakas sa amin akala mo ba?

Marami ang nananalangin higit sa lahat, yun ang tandaan mo.

Lagi nating pinaguusapan, bitin pa ngang paksa na di natin natatalakay…sabi natin, “simplyfy our lives…”

Alam kong pagkatapos nito….at tiyak kong malalampasan mo ito…mas mauunawaan mo lalo kung gaanong tunay na napakasarap na mabuhay sa kabila ng napakaraming pagsubok sa buhay.

Mahal na mahal ka namin. Alam mo na kung sinu-sino kami…dumating si Beck-Beck, si Denver, Si Duning, si Peter, si Ka Lor…si May…di kaya na makita ka sa ganoong kalagayan, si Shay, masikip ang dibdib sa nangyari, ngunit taos sa puso ang pag-asam at pag-angkin na malalampasan mo ito mahal naming kaibigan.

Palasak na sinasabi ko, lagi mong naririnig, di ko pa nga original na line, pero lagi nating sinasabi na totoo naman kasi…”everything happens for a reason…” and sooner or later, we will find that purpose, that reason in our lives.

Maya-maya pasok na ako—di puwedeng ulilain ang programa. Para sa iyo—the show must go on.

We love you so much!!!!!!!

I have a confession to make…in public, in this space–oo aaminin ko.

Lights, camera, action—ito ang ang simula ng pagkukuwento ng mga makatotohanang kuwento ng mga nasaksihan ng isang mamamahayag na tulad ko.(wakas)

Am certain that by now a lot of things have been said about the victory of Manny "The PACMAN" Pacquiao. Lahat na ng papuri sa bilis at galing ng kamao nito ay naisulat na marahil lalong-lalo na nang mapatumba niya si David Diaz sa ika-9 na round ng kanilang laban na tuluyang sumiguro ng kanyang lalong pagtingkad sa daigdig ng boksing.

Sa isang saglit—buong lakas, buong tapang at buong tatag, isang bagong kampeyon sa Lightweight Division ng World Boxing ang naitanghal at ito’y isang Filipino!

Ang sarap makita ng mga iwinawagayway na bandila ng Pilipinas sa isang palabas sa telebisyon na tinutukan ng iba’t ibang lahi sa iba’t ibang panig ng mundo. Ewan ko ba’t kahit duguan, at kahit may awang kakabit ang panonood sa pagbagsak na iyon ni Diaz, ang iyak na tumulo sa aking mga mata ay hindi sa nakitang pagbagsak ng kalaban ng ating pambansang kamao kundi sa paglapit nito rito, pagtiyak na makakatayo pa ang kanyang nakalaban, isang marka ng isang tunay na kampeyon.

I have seen many fights of Manny Pacquiao on television but only the last one moved me to tears.

Hindi basta boksingero lang ang nakita ko sa ring, kundi isang lalakeng maginoo at makatao. It was not the punch nor the power that earned a fan in me. It was his humility in victory that made me a true blue Manny Pacquiao supporter.

Noon–nakikipalakpak lang ako, Pinoy eh. Basta panalo ang Pinoy—yun ang mahalaga.

Ngunit ibang Manny ang nakita ko at ng milyun-milyon nating kanyang mga kababayan at kalahi. May bago na namang leksiyon na ibinahagi sa atin si Manny—maliban sa determinasyon, sa disiplina at sa hindi pagbitiw sa pagtupad ng ating mga pangarap.

Itinuro na rin sa atin ni Manny ang leksiyon ng pagpapakumbaba at pananatili ng pagtapak ng dalawang paa sa lupa sa kabila ng anumang kabundok o kahiganteng tagumpay.

After his victory—in one interview, Manny said something else, " I am striving to be closer to God, " he said, even stressing, ‘Yung sobrang close pa talaga".

In his victory, Manny was God’s servant, vowing to one true power and one true strength, not his own, but from God.

Kung merong DVD pirated o original man ng laban ni Pacman na itatago ko—eto na iyon, itong huling laban niya kay Diaz. Naroon ang tunay na marka ng isang kampeyon, isang halimbawa na dapat na tanawin at tularan ng bawat Filipino. (wakas)

Oo, aaminin ko.Isang tao lang ang kausap ko dito at alam kong malalaman niyang siya ang kausap ko dito.

Hindi ko siya kaaway, ni hindi ko nga siya kakilala. Kailan ko lang nalaman ang name niya kasi view nga siya ng view. Pero ako kakilala niya. By name, sa mga kuwento perhaps o pagtatanong niya in the past at sa isang deceiving conversation some years back.Tinawagan niya ako, o may pinatawag siyang iba, nagpanggap na invite ako, sinundot ako ng isang comment, nag-give in naman ako at out of pagmamalaki at that time, isang di kagandahang comment ang sinabi ko sa isang taong naging mahalaga sa akin, bahagi ng aking kasaysayan, kasamang nagsimula ng mga pangarap noon, at natutuwa sa kaibuturan ng aking puso na naging mabuti ang resulta ng kanyang mga pangarap.

Sa view ng view sa akin, this is my message.

We could be friends. I really do not see what you are waiting to see in my friendster site. I am a very transparent person. Ask me, talk to me, who knows we could really be friends.

Napakatagal na panahon na iyon at ang dami nang nangyari sa buhay ko at sa buhay ninyo. If by viewing my friendster page, what you really want is to offer a hand of friendship, I am gladly taking it. Sige, usap tayo. Baka magulat ka at magkatawanan pa tayo, isang round ng kape lang, you’ll like me and I am sure I will like you. Let us not even talk about the person that links us both. Puting papel. Walang tuldok.Dun tayo magsimula.

I appreciate that you regularly visit my friendster site. I do have a facebook account of you like to view it too, and oh, I recently put up a website too, everything you want to know it’s there. At wala doon ang anumang gusto mong makita. The only thing that you’ll see is that I am happy and contented with my life.

Email me: arlyndelacruz@gmail.com or arlyndelacruz@yahoo.com

Ang nakaraan, ay—surprise, surprise…nakaraan na!

We can be friends, and the only reason I am posting this in my blog is that your account is locked and I cannot send a message, not even a smiley.

I am assuming that the only reason that you regularly views my friendster site is to also explore the possibility of establishing real friendship.

Open ako. Ako pah?!

Maghihintay ako.Kung di ka mag-co-communicate and will keep on viewing and viewing lang. Maybe you are entertaining other thoughts and that is counterproductive on your part. O maybe nahihiya ka lang. Pero sana, sa kaibuturan ng puso mo, alam na alam mong ang nakaraan ay isang kuwento na lamang.

I wish you the best in life, sa iyo at sa pamilya mo.

Dito lang ako. A message away, an e-mail away. Who knows, one day, a phone call and a text message away. One step at a time, shall we?

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude.

It’s just a word, two letters–that’s all it is. But it was one of hardest words in my vocabulary.

But recently I said it, I let go of the word, finally, may I stress, and it turned out to be the most liberating word I did say in the last ten years–ten long years.

Yes, I said “NO!”

It was not a case of not knowing the power of the word. It was a case of intentionally dismissing its importance and its purpose.

It was a choice, a personal choice. No one forced me. Walang nakatutok sa aking baril, walang banta sa aking buhay o sa sinuman sa mga mahal ko sa buhay. Ako at ako lamang ang pumili na hindi kilalanin sa matagal na panahon ang salitang ito. Hindi ko ginamit ang salitang HINDI dahil yun ang pinili ko.

Ngunit dumating ang panahong sa dalawang titik na salitang ito sa Ingles at sa limang titik na salitang ito sa wikang sarili nasumpungan ko ang kalayaan.

Yes, I said “NO!”

Tunay nang lahat ng salita ay may kalalagyan at sa pagsasabi ng HINDI, isang tanikala ang nakalas.

Tunay ngang nagiging ganito o ganyan ang isang nilalang kapag hinayaan niyang mangyari ito. Kung akala mo hindi mo na puwedeng sabihin ang katagang ito, dun ka magsisimulang makakilala ng iba pang mga salitang minsan, ni hindi mo akalaing makikilala mo pala, takot, karuwagan, kahinaan.

Nang simulan kong kalimutan ang salitang HINDI, unti-unti, nag-iba ang lahat, may pagkakataong minsan ay di ko na nga makilala ang sarili ko. It was a strange feeling to look at the mirror and to see someone else—not the courageous warrior that you once was.

Suddenly, retreat was a word you learned, surrender and acceptance came in next, embracing the word submission without question and without any explanation at all.

But alas, the power of saying that one word: “NO”.

“Hindi na, ayaw ko na, hanggang dito na lang.”

As I revive my connection with this two-letter word, I found a space again, that one space where I can breath, really breath and live this temporal and borrowed life of mine with a firm resolve to be happy and to walk each day with a purpose to make it the best day of my life.

Batid ko ang sagot sa isang tanong na kamakailan lamang ay narinig ko: PAANO MO NALAMPASAN ANG LAHAT NG PAGSUBOK?

Isa lang ang sagot, may AMANG umaaalalay at nagmamahal sa akin, noon, ngayon at sa huling sandali ng aking hiram na buhay.

Kung paanong nasumpungan ko ang kalakasan at katapangan sa pagsasabi ng HINDI, sa KANYA rin nagmula ang kasagutan: Alam kong sa pagsasabi ng HINDI, hindi niya ako pababayaan sampu ng aking mga mahal sa buhay.

Tomorrow is another day, but it’s a totally different day—and it’s the best day of my life. (end)

Coming home to Olongapo City always renews my ties with who I really am. Not that I am different person now. It’s just that there are things about home, about Gapo that rekindles old flame and inspiration that generates vigor and energy.

I am not even talking about a person or a specific place. I just have to be there again. Kapag nasa Gapo ako, naalala ko ang aking mga pangarap.

Something happened this morning. Dati, it would have broken my heart anew. Pero wala na akong maramdaman. To borrow the line of another friend from the same group, “burned out, reached the limit.”

It’s time to take responsibility for my own life again — and to the lives of those who entrust theirs to mine.

I do not regret anything—-not a single day of the passed 7 years. It was an utmost honor serving.

Sabi nga ni Grace, my other good friend staying in the US now,—of all people, ako ang hindi niya inaasahan na yayakap sa mga salitang, conform, follow and control.

But I did and in some ways I am not saying I am not conforming, following or staying away from control anymore. I needed that in my life.

Pero heller…paulit-ulit. Nakakapagod na rin.

Nag-text si Aniya, “te, okey ka lang?”

Surprisingly—I am.

Sure may gusto lang akong kutusan for exaggeratings some things—alam ninyo how some people dramatize a very ordinary and very normal incident? Ganun!

But other than that…I am fine.

Natatawa nga ako actually dahil sa pamantayan ko—matagal na akong kumalas at nanatili na lang for the sake of the word nanatili.

Then it hit me.

Yun ang nawala. Sa akin. Nawala ang spark.

Sa ibang aspeto ng aking opisyo—nanatili…busy nga ever sa ibang larangan–pero sa bahaging iyon, sa pinili kong dako, pasok, uwi, pasok, uwi—kasi choice na lang na lumayo sa intriga at mga maling pagpaparating.

Then one single phone call na ginawa ko, to simply ask a simple question…I was labelled…again.

Well—nakalimutan ko, di pala ako dapat magtanong. Pero ganun ba ang buhay?

Ganun ba ang buhay ko?

Masama ba akong tao dahil nagtanong ako?

Makasalanan ba ako dahil sa gusto kong malinawan ang isang insidente?

A journalist will always question…why. Sa personal na buhay—siguro—ganun din ako–di na mahihiwalay. But wait–it was not about a personal thing pa naman? Hay naku—wag nang i-analyze Arlyn.

Move on.

Patunayan mo ang sinasabi ni Joel Monsalud na kung sino ka sa paningin ng mga tunay na nakakakilala sa iyo.

I am going home to Olongapo.

I will remember how it was then.

Then come back after reflecting.

This little girl then dreamt big dreams.

Inabot niya ang pangarap sa tulong ng Diyos nang walang tinatapakang sinuman.

No fear or favor. Taas noo—nakatingala.

Pagbalik ko—alam ko na uli.

It’s always a rare opportunity to be able to seize a chance to start again.

PAGTATAPOS AT OPORTUNIDAD—magkakambal nga ang mga salitang ito.

On March 27, sa isang graduation rites—ito ang tema ng mensaheng hinihiling na ibigay ko.

Alam ko na ang sasabihin ko.

OO–tama kayo. Sa Olongapo City ang imbitasyon na ako ay magsalita.

O, Olongapo, lugar na sisidlan ng mga pangarap at pag-asa ng aking kamusmusan…muli akong babalik upang alalahanin ang simula…at pagkatapos…ako ay muling hahakbang pasulong. (wakas)

Viewing the ABS-CBN Interactive, it’s easy to conclude that in the perceived one versus 100 set-up of Harapan, the Jun Lozada Expose, even if Jun was by his lonesome answering the "mob"—he still enjoys the trust and confidence of majority of the viewers.

I will not go into details assuming that by this time, you have all exchanged views of what transpired in that Harapan episode last night. I am reserving my opinion on how it was conducted and how the concept of "harapan" was interpreted on air.

But I will say that the power of television really has this innate ability to transmit real emotions and real intentions.

Walang motibo na ganap na naitatago, walang emosyon at damdamin na lubusang maitatago. At sa aking timbangan bilang mamamahayag na nanonood sa mga oras na iyon, malinaw na nakita ang mga dapat na makita. Malinaw na nakita ang mga butas, ang mga pagtatakip, ang panliligaw, ang pagmamatigas, ang kaululan, ang kagarapalan.

Hindi na ako lalawig pa…baka sabihin o ayan , sabi ko sa iyo, NPA yang si Arlyn eh. Private joke namin yung magkakaibigan. Na kapag may opposing opinion o position kami—say–isang panahon ng pagtatalo, yung kontrabida–npa ang tawag namin.

Sa akin unang nasabi iyon. Kapag sumasagot ako, kapag kumukuwestiyon ako, npa daw ako, he-he!

But wait, the title of this very recent blog na paalala nga lagi sa akin ni Jove Francisco ay "Hoy Arlyn, i-update mo nga yang blog mo sa friendster!"–ay tungkol sa barong tagalong, sa amerikana at sa t-shirt na puti ni Jun Lozada.

Am sure the attires of the guests were not planned to make it appear that one is "mas mataas" or the other as "mas kawawa."

Siyempre, kapag humaharap sa telebisyon, people, personalities would also want to look their best. As for Jun, yun na yung nakilala sa kanya ng tao, nang humarap siya, ganun na ang dating niya, ordinaryo and I see no reason for him to change his attire just because he regularly appears on TV nowadays, be it on senate hearings carried live by TV networks or during his on-cam interviews.

Walang pretentions si Jun—kasama na ang t-shirt, kasama na sa pakete yun ng kanyang pagkatao.

But let me take off from that barong, amerikana ang t-shirt thing.

I did not plan to talk about this in public, much more share this personal experience in my friendster blog but that mini-debate and big deal thing about barongs, amerikana and t-shirt in last night’s Harapan episode over ABS-CBN—gave me the inspiration to share a very sad and humiliating experience that I recently had, an experience that reduced me to tears but moved me to fight for my right, as an individual, and not as Arlyn dela Cruz, or as someone attached to an organization or a group or as someone who is perceived to be this and that.

Joee Guilas, this is the story I wanted to tell you on the phone the other day.

I will not elaborate for it might force me to identify the name of the "institution" involved but since it was you that I called Joee, it will not be that hard for you to deduct what the experience was all about.

Okey here goes…ano ba ang gusto kong ikuwento? Kakainis ano,Joel Monsalud, dami kong pasakalye. Agree Mr Fu?

Did you ever experience being questioned about your real identity? Did you ever experience being asked to sign your name 20X?

Did you ever experience being scrutinized if you are really the one in the picture of your identification card or your passport?

Dito tayo babaling at kukunek sa barong, amerikana at t-shirt.

You see, I am a newscaster, a TV personality by any standard, a celebrity of sorts you may add, but those who really knew me could attest that I am a very ordinary and simple person who attends to the daily needs of my family and work, 24/7—for as long as I am still breathing.

In short—I do not dress for on-cam, everyday, I mean—kumportable akong maging ordinaryong ako na naka-t-shirt, naka-tsinelas, naka-maong. Namamalengke ako, naglalakad. Komportable sa magarbong sasakyan, komportable sa pag-co-commute and I offer no excuses if I hear comments sometimes questioning me, "Bakit ka naglalakad? Bakit ka nag-tricyle? Bakit ka naka-taxi? Asan ang kotse mo? Nag-M-MRT ka?"

Naglalaba ako, nagsasampay ng damit at sobrang nag-eenjoy na ginagawa ito!

What is wrong with that? Tell me…meron ba? Am I missing something here Joel?

Well..last week, I had the unfortunate experience of being questioned of who I really am and while they can deny what prompted them to act the way they did towards me, I seriously believe that my very ordinary printed t-shirt, maong, and tsinelas get-up has something to do with it.

May mga tao talagang nang-uuri sa suot ng tao.

But wait, it may actually be my fault—and very subtle, I got an unsolicited advise from a most unlikely person, telling me that next time, I should always be on my on-cam look, "Dapat Chuva, lagi kang maganda…parang yung lagi ding naka-barong..–something like that.." na  parang commercial ni KC na ‘…"you always have to look your best for you’ll never know who you will run into.."

Siguro matigas lang talaga ang ulo ko, na ang tingin ko, I still look ravishingly gorgeous in my ordinary maong, t-shirt and tsinelas!

At saka uso naman ang tsinelas ah!

Galing lang kasi ako sa bahay at ang lapit lang—di ko na kinarir na mag-ayos pa…takbo na sa lugar na pinuntahan ko.

To cut the story short na di ko naman dinetalye kasi actually, may implied prohibition sa akin na wag na itong talakayin pa—nag-sorry naman, 2x–3x pa! At di lang sa akin nag-sorry–may iba pa silang tinawagan, pero sa tingin ko, not to really apologize for their rude behavior but to make sure I will not say a thing about this on air.

The apology came after I called the main office and questioned the attitude and the people-service competence of at least two members of that "institution."

It was not part of my plan to say something on air. Not my style, never my style especially if it concerns my own pain and moment of humiliation.

I do not regret wearing a printed , t-shirt, maong and tsinelas at that time this incident happened…kasi ba naman–after sana—didiretso ako sa Quiapo para bumili ng bagong camera, the one I wanted to have for a long time na!

But while I know in my heart that I will always be as normal and as ordinary as I am despite my seemingly extraordinary life on and off camera, I have a responsibility to my public. (Naks–parang linya ni Gretchen Baretto!)

I have to maintain a certain look in public, on cam or off cam.

Sa ating lipunan kasi, minsan, sinusukat ang pagkatao, kahit ikaw na nga iyon, sa kung ano ang suot mo. Na para bang ang isang naka-Amerikana, mas magsasabi ng totoo kaysa sa isang naka-t-shirt lang.

Pero whoa! di ba mas nakakabaliw na bawi sa mga "umapi" sa akin na ang naka-t-shirt, naka-maong at naka-tsinelas pa lang iyon ay si Arlyn dela Cruz nga.

Na sa kontrobersiya ng ZTE-FG….H-I-G-K-L….G-A-R-C-I….ang isang ordinaryong naka-t-shirt na puti pala ang may hawak ng impormasyong kakalas sa trangkahan ng katotohanan.

(wakas)